Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships?
Discover if self-defeating behaviors like defensiveness, trust issues, and intimacy avoidance are undermining your love life. Answer 12 questions honestly. Takes 2 minutes!
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About This Test
What It Measures
This test measures self-sabotaging patterns in relationships - the defensive, controlling, and rigid behaviors that push partners away while claiming to seek connection. It evaluates feeling unfairly blamed, chronic misunderstanding, perceived constant criticism, jealousy and monitoring behaviors, unwillingness to see partner's perspective, resistance to solutions and feedback, refusal to admit wrongdoing, and rejection of partner's improvement suggestions. These patterns create the very rejection and abandonment they're designed to prevent. This is based on research into insecure attachment, defensiveness, and self-fulfilling prophecies in relationships.
How It Works
You'll respond to 12 statements about relationship dynamics and your typical responses to conflict and closeness. Questions cover victimhood mentality (being blamed/criticized unfairly), controlling behaviors (checking social media, jealousy, needing to know whereabouts), and rigidity (unwilling to compromise, admit fault, or accept feedback). Your score places you on a spectrum from relationship builder (constructive, secure patterns) to relationship destroyer (severe self-sabotage creating toxic dynamics). The test reveals whether you're contributing to healthy partnership or creating the problems you complain about.
When to Use This Test
Take this test if you notice a pattern of relationships failing similarly, if partners say you're defensive or controlling, if you feel constantly criticized but refuse to change anything, if jealousy drives your behavior, if you blame partners for everything while taking no responsibility, or if you're in therapy working on relationship patterns. This is particularly useful if you're ready to examine your own contribution to relationship failures rather than just blaming partners, or if you're trying to break cycles that started in childhood and are now destroying adult partnerships.